A Mother's Day Special

Dear Son,

I've been often asked when I plan to become a mother. Sometimes I feel like telling them that I'm already one. But they wouldn't understand. Every mother's day I see a whole lot of wishes exchanged between mothers, which usually doesn't include me. But it doesn't matter. You are 7 now and since the time you have learned to speak, you always have wished me with utmost sincerity. I also have to thank our family, especially my mother (your grandmother) and your biological mother (my sister) for making it happen. And that's what matter's the most.

I didn't become a mother when you were born. It was before that, when you were in your mom's womb. I've guarded you with everything I had. I have fought with autorickshaw drivers if they drive fast on bumpy roads, I've fought with people on the street who don't watch where they are going and come remotely close to your mother. It was my sole duty to protect my sister, not just because she was my sister, but now she was also carrying something so precious to me.

I've fed your mom, taken care of her likes and dislikes, handled her mood swings and what not. ;)
I was her constant companion whenever she had to visit the doctor; I've been to every one of your sonograms barring one. And you refused to show your face in that one! Guess, we had already formed a connection back then itself.

I also used to stick to the wall against the bed, like a lizard at nights as I constantly worried that I might squish you while sleeping; and eventually gave the entire bed to you and your mom while I slept on the floor padded with some sofa cushions. I've read you manga, I've taught you how to play video games while you were still in the womb! No wonder, you rocked the Nintendo DS in 7 months!

You and I in this beautiful world

The day you were born, I was waiting outside walking restlessly worried sick for you and your mom. I could hear her screams and thought I might faint. And then there was silence and they brought you to us. I saw you, and I couldn't see anything else; the most beautiful thing ever! Your eyes were wide open, it felt like we spoke to each other. I wanted to hold you, but I was scared. Then finally my mom made me sit on the bed and put you in my lap. I was thrilled! You slept on my lap and I didn't move a muscle. I didn't care if my feet hurt or my back hurt; all that mattered was you shouldn't get disturbed. You were wrapped up in a cloth 'cocoon style', and you felt so comfortable. You communicated so well with your eyes. I think we have have shared stories like that, because we used to just stare at each other!

One night at the hospital, you were crying so loud. Your mom was fast asleep and under the influence of medicines. My mom had just gone home to freshen up and get some clothes and food. I didn't know what to do. I had to somehow stop your tears. I asked the nurse to come and feed you or do something. She ignored me as she had other "important" stuff to attend to. I asked some three four times and she didn't turn up. You ARE the only thing that was important to me! I finally lost my temper and screamed at her. That's when she came and fed you.

When my mom came back, I complained to her about how the horrible nurse treated you. My mom said it is not a big deal and smiled at me. She is experienced after all. But it was a big deal for me. I'm not waiting for a nurse to help you out when I'm there! I asked my mom to teach me how to carry you, to feed you, to clean up etc., when your mom or my mom wasn't around. I learnt everything. It was my mission to understand your needs even when you couldn't communicate it in the language I understood.

Everyday I rushed home after work to spend as much quality time as I can with you. All my weekends were devoted to you. Time spent with you was never enough. You loved to sleep on me. I'm not nicknamed 'the water bed' for nothing! ;)

When someone asks me who you are, I whisper 'my son' to myself and say 'my nephew' out loud. Because they won't understand. And when some stranger on the street mistakes us for a mom & son duo, I don't correct them, because we are! As you grew up and occasionally mistook me for your mom and called me 'Mama' were some of my most cherished memories! Every time we have to part, it breaks my heart.

You know, there are many mothers like me, who are every bit a mother but they are never acknowledged as that. Society dictates that giving birth is the most important aspect to becoming a mother. Society couldn't be more wrong.

On this day, I usually wish the beautiful women in my life. But today, I'm going to thank you for making me the mother that I am.

You're "MY PRECIOUS"! [Gollum style from Lord of the Rings. Yes, I will be sending you the books in a few years!]

Love,
Your Chithi (aka Aunt, aka the other Mom)

When Love Finds You...

It will be a three month long wait for me to see and hold my love in my arms. These three months are going to be harder than I thought. Many a people said that love starts to dwindle away after tying the knot. Two years into marital bliss and every time I see him, I fall in love all over again.

Image Source: http://tumismoreflejo.wordpress.com/2013/06/29/hablemos-de-amor/

It all started with a simple crush and now we are together in this beautiful journey. I never even realized when I fell in love with him. When true love finds you, you will know it! You feel happy, sad, excited, nervous, all at the same time. That's the closest I can explain how it feels.

I used to expect something different in the form of love. I had my own set of bullet points. However, life taught me a great lesson: 'What you are asking for is not the same thing as what you want.'  

I thought I wanted someone who could dance. But life gave me what I truly wanted.
When I'm on the dance floor swaying away to the beats, I can always feel his love; the lovable admiring glances amidst his conversation with friends slowly sipping into his drink. And when he goes that extra mile to try and sway with me for some special occasions; those awfully sweet attempts are the best dances of my life.

I thought I wanted someone who could sing. But life gave me what I truly wanted.
Every time I sing for him, he listens to me with utmost attention, as if I was the best singer in the world. Lying on my lap, requesting another song while I run my fingers through his hair. And those little attempts he makes to sing a few lines for me...

The unexpected things he does for me, are truly unexpected! A surprise is a surprise when you hardly expect it. And with him, I can never guess when it will happen. Something is more special when it's rare, at least for me :)

Image Source: http://www.redbookmag.com/health-wellness/advice/change-your-life-positively
Photo: Valentin Casarsa/iStock

When this beautiful love found me, I had my doubts, but I embraced it. And I'm so glad today that I did!
Whenever I hold his hands, he wraps his around mine and makes me feel loved, protected, wanted. The very hands that touch my cheeks, the very hands that wipes my tears. the very hands that tickle me, the very hands that pat my back, the very hands of the man I love.

I can't thank God enough for giving me a man so imperfectly perfect for me, someone so differently similar, someone I really wanted! Come back soon, my sweetheart. I can't wait to fall in love again...

And now a beautiful song that I dedicate to the one who means everything to me, my lover, my best friend, my confidante, my life - my husband.
...and to everyone in love or waiting to be in love: 'When love finds you', by Vince Gill

Thanks to the person who listed my post for it. :) Click the image above to see the entire list.

Lost in Hope

There he was in another’s arms. She watched silently from afar. She felt a strange heaviness in her heart. It was as if something was filling up in her heart against her will.

She forced a smile for him. The more she tried, the more it hurt. He smiled at her from the distance. He seemed happy but she wanted to cry. She watched them; there were many things she wanted to tell him; but she couldn't. 

Was this really happening? Was he really going away? Has she lost him forever?

Sometimes it’s too late. Too late to make amends. Too late to say anything. Too late to go back and live some more. Too late to cherish what was there. Too late for that hug; too late for a kiss; too late to say “I love you”…

It hurt like hell. She didn't know why. She knew why... She ran from there. She broke down into tears. She couldn't bear the pain. She wanted to turn back time. She wanted to run to him, be in his arms. She wanted to kiss him and tell him she will never leave him. She wanted him to know she belonged to him.  He was the one. He always was.

But there she was; a lost soul, in tears, with nowhere to go. She was shattered. She wanted to end her life. It seemed a better option than the pain she felt.

Will he ever know how she feels? Will she ever tell him? Will she ever be able to see him again and not confess?  Will he feel the same? The time has ticked away. What could she do anymore?

Every time she had felt love for him, she ran into another’s arms. She was afraid to lose him. He was the one even when she was with another. It was him all along. Why didn't she realize it before? Was it hard for him to see that? She was herself with him. She enjoyed every minute she spent with him. He was everything to her. She never said.

Did he not see? Why didn't he ask? Why didn't he insist? Why he was equally lost? She had never found any girl worthy of him. Didn't she realize it then? Didn't he?

Why didn't he grab her and say the words while looking into her eyes? Didn't he see the love she tried to hide? Didn't he see the glow on her face and the glitter in her eyes every time she saw him? Didn't he feel the way she felt on every touch? Why did he always say he wanted someone like her and not her? If only he had... Maybe he didn't feel the same way. Maybe he did. But it didn't matter anymore.

A few moments… now if only she could have that with him and tell him how she really feels and live the moments with him, where she could be his and he could be hers and forget the world.

She walked with emotions flowing as fast as her tears and kept walking. She couldn't turn back. She wouldn't be able to stop herself if she did. She was broken. She was lost. He was gone; to another he belonged. She fell, she wept, she screamed, trying to stand back on her feet.  

She wanted God to take her heart away, to take the pain away… but she couldn't part with it. He lived in her heart. She prayed to grant her one moment with him and take anything from her in return.

She lay there weeping, waiting, lost in hope…