Art of Writing!

I've always wanted to write, write well, ...no... better... maybe the best!
But I lack the ability to play around with words. Different synonyms and beautiful "dictionarized" words! Now thats not a word, but it sounds cool.. U get what I mean? But of course, m not talking about made-up words...

Somehow it seems uneasy... it seems as if I know it but I just can't get it...I have had countless dreams where I can hear myself deliver fabulous speeches or write a great document.. and they were brilliant!

So then how is it that my sub-conscious mind knows about all this and I don't?

I even went through some of my old documents, random scripts and fan fictions.. They seemed good for a beginner... But instead of becoming better, I'm lost...

Its even harder to learn when you know it already...
I do not know what has caused this to happen? Maybe my self-confidence is lost... I've too much stress... but I do not want to take them as excuses!

I want to write, write and write better. I don't want to ask anyone if they find it good.. I should know it myself!

Why can't I just get out that what's deep inside me!? I need to master the Art of Writing!